Whoah

I just emailed everyone that's been on my mind. Not really, about a third of the people. That's the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night, and goodness gracious, I need sleep.

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Eden has been so good lately. Should I be fearing the future?

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Micah bit my shoulder tonight when we were at the pool and threw his head back in laughter. He left bite marks.

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I just counted in my head appointments I need to make this week for the family, seven. That's where my "whoah" title comes from. 

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I finally got the chicken tenders I've been craving for the last couple of weeks today. As for the butterfinger that I've been craving for six months, well, not yet.

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Mike is working right now. Bleh.

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I have ankle pain that I compared to labor pain, not as bad, trust me. But it's on the scale.

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Micah is crawling to daddy a lot lately. What about me? Sniff, sniff.

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Eden says about ten times the number of words that I do in a day.

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I have four loads of laundry chillin' on a chai in the living room.

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Still no showings on the condo, there's always spring, right?

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Mike hitchhiked this weekend, and I'm really proud of him.

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When I went to Valvoline this last week, I almost fell into their underground pit. It was quite a laugh honestly. I drove in, and all the guys started shouting. That's when I threw my head back in laughter, maybe that's where Micah learned it.

Playmates

Eden and Micah have been playing so much together lately.

 It seems that they're both in a climbing phase, and really enjoy each other. 

 I feel like I've been waiting a long time for this phase to begin, and it's really precious to watch.

 Micah has always adored Eden, and now the feeling is mutual. She asks for him to be put down when I'm holding him and she'll try to comfort him when he's upset.

 She does things purposely to make him laugh, and he finds her hilarious when she's being naughty. 

It makes my job as a mom a little bit harder, but it gives me grace too.

Of course the limits are always being pushed (no pun intended), by one member of the playmates.

 But grace is a beautiful thing. Especially as a mom, it makes you stop in your tracks and rethink life all within a couple of seconds. 

 When Eden was playing with Micah on her couch, she was shouting things like "Micah, don't crawl there--there's dog poo!"

 And then Micah did a little cough, and Eden started to fake hack cough. 

It was pretty funny to watch these two.

 The lights aren't always on Eden. Micah can do things that "wow"us all and make his two year old sister try to copy his antics.

 I love this phase, stage, time, whatever you want to call it, of my two children being playmates.

Peek-a-boo

Fragile and heavy

I don't know why I've been thinking so much lately. It seems like I'm in high school again and having all these epiphanies and thinking how cool it is to have these brand new thoughts in my head. Well, my thoughts aren't brand new, I guess.
They are thoughts though that have stopped me in my tracks way more than I can count this week. And to think Amy Winehouse started it all. Seriously. She did.
I'm not a fan of hers, though I thought the "rehab" song was catchy. I think though that it was the reactions to her death that really got me. There were so many statuses on facebook making a joke of the whole thing, saying things like "I'm shocked", and honestly things that weren't only sarcastic, but just bothered me. The numbness bothers me.
It's life. It's a person, a being that God created.
Jack Johnson, not a huge fan of his either. I like his music, but honestly I think ninety percent of his music all sounds the same. He does have a song though that I think has gone through my head no less than a million times. I'm not exaggerating either. It's "The News" from the Brushfire Fairytales cd. The line that gets me is "Why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die. At least they could be decent enough to put a tear in their eye."
How did we all get so callused to life?
We sponsor a little girl in Nicaragua through Compassion International. They periodically send us magazines talking about programs that they're funding. It wasn't the program though that caught my attention, it was an ad. It had a little boy holding a bowl and said "While you're struggling to keep up with the Jones', he's struggling to survive."
For years, I've been reading a blog about a little girl with cancer, and just this week stumbled on this tragic story. The little girl has a rare form of brain cancer and the other story is about a Jewish family. They were driving home from their family vacation and got in a car wreck. Both parents died, and the two boys are now paralyzed.
These stories have made me rethink a lot of actions, a lot of responses this last week and I hope for a long time to come. It's so fragile, life.
Last night I was watching the news and they switched to live coverage and were pulling a body out of the Milwaukee River. I'm sheltered, and I don't see things like that often. But as I watched behind the newscaster, I saw them doing CPR, and thought about another life.
Maybe it's being a mom. But I'd rather think that it's how we were meant to think. This life, it's so fragile. God gave His for us. It's the Bible verse we all know, John 3:16. He gave his life for us, valuable and fragile.

Edenisms Part 3

My mom bought Eden a little dollar lip gloss today. To say it's her new favorite thing in the whole world would be an understatement. That little lip gloss is even in her hand as she's in her bed right now. When we went swimming today, she must have gotten out of the pool twelve times at the very least to go put on her "lip sauce". "Lip sauce" though was only one of many names, but I think my favorite is "lick stick".

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I could tell Eden was a little uncomfortable the last couple of mornings and she kept saying her tooth hurt. I looked and saw nothing and was prompted to make her first dentist appointment anyway as her third birthday is approaching. This morning though, I shone a flashlight in her mouth and saw the culprit, a canker sore. Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Mike asked Eden about her day as he normally does. But tonight, her response was "Daddy! I have a kangaroo sore!"

Soaking it all in

I'm trying

I'm trying to be a better mother every day
to rely on God and not myself
to be compassionate when my children are impatient
to put being tired and weary out of my head
to lose the last of my baby weight
to eat more protein
to concentrate on God
to be patient in weak moments
to keep up on laundry

to be understanding with my husband

to be aware of the challenges he faces

to get organized

to love uncontrollably

to say what I feel and not what I wish

to make those brownies I think about every day

to trust God with our housing situation

to cherish every moment

to teach my kids to be creative

to learn to cook

to love God with my whole heart

to not get stuck in "mom" mode, but fun mode

to say yes more often

to roll with the punches

to teach Eden to act like a little lady

to set my kids free from my expectations

to make more time for Mike and I

to not have stipulations

to dream big

...and I will.

Do you believe in magic...

Do you believe in magic?
In a young girls heart
How the music can free her whenever it starts
And it's magic if the music is groovy
It makes you feel happy like an old time movie
I'll tell ya about the magic 

It'll free your soul but it's like trying to tell a stranger 'bout rock n roll

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I love that song, especially this week. I don't believe in magic though, God is bigger than that stuff, but it is a good tune. My week though, you know it's good when you have that song stuck in your head all day. For example, today, this little guy slept on his own as in he actually took a nap! That's major around here. Seriously, I don't think he's taken a nap without an aide (i.e. my twins, a car ride, being held) since he was probably around three months.

We got to see my brother yesterday. We haven't seen him in what seems like forever, and Eden kept asking if he was African American. We went swimming with him, and I felt so proud of my kids. Sometimes it takes someone else being around for me to see them outside of my little box. I saw them outside of it yesterday and I felt stunned. I love it when that happens...(as "Do You Believe in Magic" is playing in my head).

I know it is only Tuesday, and my wonderful week will have the usually crazy happening in it. 

Ehhhemmm Micah!

I even built the most extravagant mega block structure ever. I know, I know, the life of a stay at home mom. But a lot of times whether I'm doing mega blocks, building a train track, or setting up little people, it's often my goal to see how far I can get before it's destroyed.

Eden put herself down for a nap today and yesterday. I think I may have the only child who crawls into her crib. Today, thanks to my wonderful in-laws coming over, I got to get out for a little bit. I tried to get home when I thought Eden would need to be put down. When I walked in the door, grandma and grandpa told me that Eden had just declared she was ready for a nap and needed some sleep.

A rested toddler is amazing. I was vacuuming and she was saying things like "Good job vacuuming Mommy!" It's simple, and it's little, but those are the things I love. I've been praying for patience a lot lately. I've always known that I have amazing kids, but I sure do have my days with them. Today, when I had the luxury of silence in my car, I kept thinking "it's me". I'm the issue, it's not them. I'm the teacher for life and morals and values and everything really. When I've been impatient lately, I have a new strategy.

I remember reading "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggars like it was yesterday. In it, he makes this analogy about his mind how it's like he has all these little men pulling files for him on subjects and memories. Well, that's my strategy. Lately I think before I respond when I'm impatient. I'm only a week into this, but I'm training those little people in my brain to pull the files with Bible verses and attributes of God. 

It may sound silly, but so far they're doing a good job.

Why I love Waupaca

As a child, I grew up going to Waupaca every summer. We camped as a family in Hartman's Creek State Park, canoed down the Crystal River, and always stopped for a cotton candy at Tom Thumb's on the river. I have such beautiful memories of it all. My dad cooking on a fire, swimming at the beach, but mostly I think my memories are savored because we were making those memories as a family.

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Now, my children are growing up and going to Waupaca at least once a month.

 They're building their relationship with each other and exploring new things together just like I did with my siblings twenty plus years ago.

 It's so crazy to think that now my family is carrying on the tradition of making memories in Waupaca: taking boat rides, kayaking the Crystal River, and still enjoying my dad grilling for us, to name a few.

 I'm hoping that my children will one day remember these times that we shared together.

 We always have fun, and there's always some highlight to each day we're there.

 My kids are always up for trying something new, and those experiences readily present themselves in Waupaca.

 But one of my top two favorite reasons for visiting Waupaca nowadays, is usually a date with my husband. I cherish my time alone with him so much. It seems hard to even have a conversation on certain days with us both chasing the kids around. It's so valuable to me and vital to our marriage.

 But none of that would be possible without my parents. They live in Waupaca now, and are the creators of our mini vacation. They make it possible for Mike and I to get out on our own when we visit, and wait on us as if they hadn't seen us in years. Thank you Mom and Dad for being hospitable. That word is an understatement for what you do for us.

Our week

Our week this last week was quiet. I loved it.

we read a lot of books

Micah turned ten months

we played a ridiculous amount of pop beads

I started a project that I'll share later

wrote a teeny tiny letter to Eden

watched Micah charm me

and bought a new desk chair.

Quiet, but I loved it.

Like I never imagined

Dear Micah,

Just a few nights ago, Daddy and I moved you out of our room. I miss you now so much by the time morning rolls around that I feel ecstatic to see you even if it is 5 a.m. You nurse in bed and look up at my and wave to me with your chubby little fingers.

Before you were born, I was worried about how you would fit into our family and now I can't imagine a day without you. You're such a little person, but you add so much to this family. I love our little silent language and embrace you being a baby probably because you're growing up so fast.

You do the funniest things and if it's not me and Eden snickering at something you're doing, it's Daddy and I. Last night, you dove head first into the empty bathtub and this morning you were teetering on the bathtub ledge on your stomach with your head and legs in the air. You're so simple, but you're the biggest blessing. I love how happy you are when you're eating and how you nod or shake your head when someone asks you a question.

 Sometimes I feel really clueless and a little scared about parenting and mothering a boy. I know the type of man I want you to grow up to be, it's just like your daddy. And I know I want you to fear God, respect women, and have a sheltered mind. I want you to be a dare devil, to be wild, and have so much passion for the things that are important to you.

Even though you don't talk, you say so much. Like when I pick you up when you're crying and wrap your little arms dimpled with fat rolls around me. I think that's my favorite. It's the tightest little hug and the best feeling in the world. You bring me so much joy Micah, like I never imagined.

I love you.

Love, 

Mommy