I began to crave friendships and my stiff arm approach to people seemed like it turned into a half hug. We began hosting people for meals, every weekend. And after about a year, I realized, that's not how you make friends. I don't write this as a pity cry or as some degradation to anyone or anything. It just, plain, didn't work.
About the same time as my realization of need of friendship, my spiritual life kind of took off. Not in a churchy sort of way, but in a Spirit led freedom. Ideas that I held so firmly to before suddenly seemed silly and my energy spent wasted on thinking of them just got thrown at Jesus' feet.
I've watched my passions grow, wean, and take off. And yet the things that I used to crave, I still crave. Friendships and Jesus.
Taking the time for people isn't something I've ever been good at and nor do I claim to be. But we're all hypocrites, over everything. It's almost crazy nowadays, how we all psychoanalyze everyone and everything. We think we have all the answers that everyone doesn't and well, it's just a mess. Cynicism rears its ugly head, anytime anyone is real. We're all experts, at everything. And so I walk this fine line right now, of growing and learning and staying passionate, or of being complacent, careless and lazy. It's staying on top of it everyday and sorting out the good, the bad, and the ugly thoughts. I keep praying that God will make a way, He will. He's always does. And if there's anything I've learned in my 33 years of life on this earth, it's that He's faithful. So I keep on...
Walking the fine line. The very fine line.
