I had to shower this morning. I could smell myself and my attitude. It seems hard, trying to find balance, trying to be a good wife, mother, and friend. I feel weak, discouraged, and unappreciated. But the world always looks a little brighter after a shower. So, I showered, but it didn't really change my outlook, it was still bleak. I sat down on the couch and looked around. Toys everywhere, furniture overturned (literally), chaos, pure chaos. I just stared. This is my life. I remembered a portion from a book I've been reading. When someone asked Mother Teresa what she prays for, she said she just listens. So, I sat here, amdist the chaos, and I listened for God. It was a beautiful moment, and the line from that song came to mind, "please let me stay and rest in your holiness". And I did.
When I looked around again, I didn't see chaos, I saw toys everywhere from my children having fun, and furniture overturned for play. I saw neglected laundry because it was more important at the time to make memories than fold it, and dirty dishes on the table because me and my daughter had to run to the (pretend) store to buy couscous.
This chaos that I saw with my bad attitude turned into a beautiful mess after I just sat in God's presence. I wish that I did this more often, but I'm learning. Everyday I try, but honestly, without God it's useless and a mess.
And so, I will choose to live among the chaos.
