A fine line

I think my perspective on life changed the day my fourth child was born. I remember about one week in, taking a step back and realizing that this is life now, and I feel like it took the breath from my lungs. And so began what I call my mental mid life crisis.
I began to crave friendships and my stiff arm approach to people seemed like it turned into a half hug. We began hosting people for meals, every weekend. And after about a year, I realized, that's not how you make friends. I don't write this as a pity cry or as some degradation to anyone or anything. It just, plain, didn't work.
About the same time as my realization of need of friendship, my spiritual life kind of took off. Not in a churchy sort of way, but in a Spirit led freedom. Ideas that I held so firmly to before suddenly seemed silly and my energy spent wasted on thinking of them just got thrown at Jesus' feet.
I've watched my passions grow, wean, and take off. And yet the things that I used to crave, I still crave. Friendships and Jesus.
Taking the time for people isn't something I've ever been good at and nor do I claim to be. But we're all hypocrites, over everything. It's almost crazy nowadays, how we all psychoanalyze everyone and everything. We think we have all the answers that everyone doesn't and well, it's just a mess. Cynicism rears its ugly head, anytime anyone is real. We're all experts, at everything. And so I walk this fine line right now, of growing and learning and staying passionate, or of being complacent, careless and lazy. It's staying on top of it everyday and sorting out the good, the bad, and the ugly thoughts. I keep praying that God will make a way, He will. He's always does. And if there's anything I've learned in my 33 years of life on this earth, it's that He's faithful. So I keep on...
Walking the fine line. The very fine line.

If you really want to empathize

Life lately is crazy. I love my children, goodness gracious, do I love them something fierce. But that doesn't negate the chaos that ensues nearly every day here at home.
For anyone who's not a parent, imagine the simplest task in your day. Then, just imagine being unable to do it. Going to the bathroom, changing the laundry, cooking breakfast, lunch or dinner, unloading the dishwasher, getting a drink of water, having a snack to yourself, cleaning off the table, reading a book, folding laundry, owning a plant, I could go on for quite a while.
And homeschooling, well, it's going. The big kids are patient while the little ones have no idea that we're trying to learn and grow daily.
I was on the phone with my dad yesterday and Jude was screaming at the top of his lungs. I was trying to have my one minute of adult conversation and my dad said to me, "life is just really hard". I wanted to jump through the phone and just hug him.
It seems these days there's much to disagree about, but life is hard enough without all of that.
Be kind.
Empathize.