Blunt

I love old hymns, and lately my kids have been singing the song "bless the Lord" all around the house. Nothing could make me smile bigger, than when I hear that. But the hymn I've been thinking a lot about is song "It is well". Here's the part that's been playing over and over in my head:
when peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
it is well, it is well with my soul.
I sat in church yesterday and just cried "when sorrows like sea billows roll". Dealing with losing our baby has touched my heart in a way I never knew possible. And it is like a sea billow. When the sadness comes, it comes upon me so great and seems to just engulf me.

I remember when we went to Florida with the kids, Eden stepped out too far in the ocean and a wave just came and took her. She was rolling around in the ocean, unable to get up because of the waves just tossing her around. I know that sounds like a funny scene, but if you imagine the ocean is sorrow, it brings with it a whole different picture.
I'm brought back to the nights praying over and over, "God, hold me close." It was the only thing that brought me comfort, and the only thing that brought me peace.

This morning Micah fell off his chair. I rushed to him, picked him up and held him as close as I could. As soon as he was close, he stopped crying and he started to catch his breath. Within a minute he was fine and wanting to go and play. This is so similar to me with God. I feel pain, and all I want is for God to hold me close. He does, and then I go on my way.
Crazy what this life is, and oh so beautiful.