It's tough

This week, I scoured the classified jobs in the Sunday paper. For me. I'm a jack of many trades. Waitress, lifeguard, day care, corporate, you name it, I've probably worked it. You see, my job right now is hard.
I've been putting in some long hours and they've been so strenuous. I haven't gotten a raise, and no one has told me I'm doing a good job. The people that I'm in charge of are demanding, to say the least. They complain, whine, and it seems like I never do anything that pleases them.
That's how I felt a couple of days ago. That's why I picked up the classifieds.
But here's the clincher, I can't quit this job.
I know that I'm the best there is for the people that I'm in charge of. I've worked with them so long, I know how they tick, and often I can predict what mood will swing next. Every other job I've had, I just could quit when it got hard. But not this one.
This is the hardest job I've ever had in my life. My computer skills don't matter, and neither does my degree in communications. My book knowledge means squat, and my IQ, I don't know what it is, but it doesn't matter.
See, the things that I lack are what I need: patience, love, kindness. Those are things I've read about, but haven't ever had a job where they mattered before. In fact, it seemed like the people who had the least of those rose the highest to the top. With this job I have right now, everything goes against the grain.
I need patience, when both kids are screaming, when they won't go to bed, and when I only want a minute of peace. I need love to explain simple words, to read books when it's the last thing I want to do, and cuddle when I don't want to be touched. And I need kindness, mixed with love and patience. I need it so bad, in the tone of my voice, and in my actions that are being watched.
Being a mom is tough. Beyond tough actually.
Every day that is hard, I know why: selfishness. It's the hardest thing for me to conquer. It's never my kids, it's me. Sure, they have bad days, but they're just discovering this life, they're just learning as they go. I know better.
I know that in order to love purely, it has to be selfless. In order to be kind, I have to put others before myself, and in order to be patient, I have to be understanding. Have to.
The other day, when I was reading the classifieds, I put it down and I realized how blessed I am.
This job. It's a dream job.
It's what I dreamed of doing while I was working every other job I had. And I love it. These little people, they're amazing. Eden and I yesterday had this incredible conversation about unicorns and narwhals. It's one of those conversations that's so beautiful, you replay it over and over. I did, to get sleep.

And Micah, he whispers "mommy, daddy" when he's most content and has started making faces just to get people to laugh.

Eden just learned what the word jealous means, and tries to use it correctly while Micah brings me books at the most random moments and says "read this". They're such simple things, but they are so incredible. They are the most beautiful people.
They've taught me more than any high school or college. They've brought me deeper into thoughts than any book, and they've grown me in ways I've never thought possible. That's what I do.
That's my job. And I'm so glad it is.