Be still

One of my hardest tasks as a mom is being still. Focusing, usually drains my energy and when it does happen it only lasts about half a minute. It's really hard for me.
Mike is the opposite. He rarely has more than one thought on his mind at a time. I've asked him for pointers, tips, training- if you will. He's told me that you just put all your being into that thought. I love the idea of that, but I can't.
Today though, I tried really hard. It felt amazing. Like free therapy.
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I held Micah for over an hour after he fell asleep. I studied him. He doesn't smell like a baby anymore and he's all boy (minus the occasional bobbypin). He grunts more than he talks and he's so affectionate. Eden got her fingers slammed in a dresser drawer tonight. I ran to pick her up and Micah was right beside me reaching for her. When I put her down, he hugged and kissed her. It sounds sweet, but it was beautiful. Like you just saw a light bulb turn on in your kids' head beautiful.

I still heard Eden up when I was cleaning up dinner a half an hour ago. I thought about being focused, about being still. I layed down next to her and bawled. My baby. I always close my eyes until she closes hers and I felt her touching my face over and over, the gentlest of touches. Then she started twirling my hair ever so lightly. Her gentle fingers were finally still and I opened my eyes to see her struggling to keep hers open. When I tried to leave, she hugged my neck so tight.
Man, that's what I call perfect.
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I don't enjoy cleaning up dinner and toys at nine at night, but I'd take tonight over any other and choose it over anything.
For sure.
Perfect.
Be still.