Our week

Our week this last week was quiet. I loved it.

we read a lot of books

Micah turned ten months

we played a ridiculous amount of pop beads

I started a project that I'll share later

wrote a teeny tiny letter to Eden

watched Micah charm me

and bought a new desk chair.

Quiet, but I loved it.

Like I never imagined

Dear Micah,

Just a few nights ago, Daddy and I moved you out of our room. I miss you now so much by the time morning rolls around that I feel ecstatic to see you even if it is 5 a.m. You nurse in bed and look up at my and wave to me with your chubby little fingers.

Before you were born, I was worried about how you would fit into our family and now I can't imagine a day without you. You're such a little person, but you add so much to this family. I love our little silent language and embrace you being a baby probably because you're growing up so fast.

You do the funniest things and if it's not me and Eden snickering at something you're doing, it's Daddy and I. Last night, you dove head first into the empty bathtub and this morning you were teetering on the bathtub ledge on your stomach with your head and legs in the air. You're so simple, but you're the biggest blessing. I love how happy you are when you're eating and how you nod or shake your head when someone asks you a question.

 Sometimes I feel really clueless and a little scared about parenting and mothering a boy. I know the type of man I want you to grow up to be, it's just like your daddy. And I know I want you to fear God, respect women, and have a sheltered mind. I want you to be a dare devil, to be wild, and have so much passion for the things that are important to you.

Even though you don't talk, you say so much. Like when I pick you up when you're crying and wrap your little arms dimpled with fat rolls around me. I think that's my favorite. It's the tightest little hug and the best feeling in the world. You bring me so much joy Micah, like I never imagined.

I love you.

Love, 

Mommy

Manic Monday

It's really not a manic Monday, I just like the song. 

We're actually really chill today, and enjoying lots of memories being made.

The kids and I perched in front of the patio this morning and watched a storm roll in. 

We awed at the lightning and laughed at the thunder.

The birds trying to fly against the wind kept our interest, and then

Eden wanted the wind to be still.

It was an opportune time to teach her about God, and I did.

We went to Target and caught some frogs out front.

Their names are Freddy and Mommy, Eden named them of course.

Micah's ten month birthday is today, but he's still refusing to sleep...sigh.

Maybe it will turn into a manic Monday later, but for now it's more like a memories Monday.

A real piece of work

Believe it or not, this post is not about my childen. It's about me. And revival. Not revival of the mind, which is awakening and empowering, but the heart. The kind that's humbling, breaking, and renewing. It's hard, and I prefer the process of mind revival, but heart revival is vital.

The past few weeks, I've felt disconnected, impatient, crabby, you name it. I felt alone really, but not because of anyone but myself. I have so many people who love me, and a family that is out of this world, but my attitude needed some major adjustments.

I've spent more time praying the past few weeks than I have in a long time. My responses weren't how I wanted them to be, the tone of my voice sounded mean, and my passion for fun seemed dwindling. I was so disappointed in myself, but I knew that God was pursuing me.

I had some incredible prayer times, some listening ears (thank you Mike and mom), and love surrounded and drowned me. My attitude changed and I learned that I can't put expectations on things that God designed to be simple and holy. Church is one of my big issues lately, but it's not anymore. It's about God, and it's really simple that way.

Revival of the heart is such a beautiful thing. It's such a connection with God and I'm craving it now. Thanking Him that He pursued me, found me, and connected my heart with Him again.

The kind of person you are

Dear Eden,

Life is going so fast, and I can hardly believe your third birthday is right around the corner. I remember when I was pregnant with you and so many of my thoughts were always trying to wrap around how my heart could love another person.

You're not a hard person to love, and my thoughts now are of how my love just multiplies exponentially for you. You're kind of quirky, always fun, and you say the cutest things. When I saw quirky, it's really adorable. You love crabs, crayfish, and lobsters almost as much as you love cement mixers, garbage trucks and mini loaders.

I think you may truly be the most compassionate person I've ever met. I aspire to be like you in that regard. Add that to the list of things you're teaching me. If I'm emotional and having a bad day, you'll see me shed a tear and instantly be by my side rubbing my back and telling me that you'll make me feel better. You're my little friend and I cherish those moments and hold them so close to my heart. Lately, you've even stopped playing to tell me you love me. God has truly blessed me.

I've been praying for you a lot lately. I know I've said before that if I'm not on my knees praying for you, I'm failing as a mom. That's my greatest goal as your mom is to show you Jesus. I'm far from perfect, Eden, but I'm trying, very hard. There are times that I yell when you disobey or that you aren't kind, but even in our low moments, I love you more that you can fathom.

I never doubt that you'll do something great with your life. You're a different kind of person and believe it or not, I think you teach me more than I teach you. I hope you never change: talking non-stop, complementing strangers, and dreaming of the day that you become a mommy. You are so precious Eden, and I love you.

Love, 

Mommy

Our 4th of July

She's teaching me to share

Eden is teaching me things all the time. A lot of times she teaches me my weaknesses or my faults, but once in a while she teaches me a true character quality, a greatness. Lately, she's been teaching me how to share. It sounds silly, a two year old teaching their mom to share, but it's happening, right now.

Here's how it's been unfolding. Eden and I have a little mother-daughter activity that we love, it's making  jewelry together. We sit at the table, covered in bead boxes, elastics, and string. Eden sits very content stringing beads from her own bead box onto shoe string like thread. It's really a time that I know we both treasure, not only for the cute material that it produces, but for the quality one on one time that is so rare and precious lately.

We make bracelets. I always ask her if she wants a necklace or even a ring, but she always wants a bracelet. It's fine. She sports them twenty at a time, it's always too much or nothing at all, and I love that style flair.

When Mike spends alone time with Eden, they go to the park. Our alone time activities just as of lately, clashes. Eden and Mike came home from the park and we all sat down to chat over a snack. Mike relayed that Eden had been so giving at the park and gave two little girls bracelets. My heart sank, and I couldn't hide it. The time that we had spend together, making these little bracelets, and the time and money I'd spend selecting the beads from the store--gone. Even now the memory, the material possession--gone. All of it--gone!

I scolded her and Mike, and watched their smiles fade. I felt bad, but what about our special time together, we didn't do that to give it all away to some no name kid.

Mike took me aside and gently nudged my attitude. He told me how he was a stingy kid and was so proud that Eden wasn't. He told me how he was elated that his little girl wanted to give away her little possessions. I saw what he meant, and I was proud of her too but so ashamed at myself.

Seriously, I scolded my daughter for sharing. What a role reversal. But I'm so glad. I'm glad my husband is a gentle teacher. I took Eden aside and told her I was proud of her, proud of her wanting to share.

A week later, Eden had a new favorite bracelet. One that we had just made a week prior and she pointed it out to everyone. It was her little conversation piece. We went to the pool as a family, and there was a little girl Eden's age there. She took off her new favorite bracelet, and gently placed it on the girls' wrist. I wanted to cry.

These are the moments as a mom that I live for. I'm proud, not because of anything I've done, but because I've seen character in my two year old. She's genuine, and she's teaching me to share.